My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
