yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
