Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
