Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
