i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
