Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
