dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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