You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dear god my vagina.
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