So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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