Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
