Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
