Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We talked him into tasing himself.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
