Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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