Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
