And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
