I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize