i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
