I think my fart just growled at me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
