Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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