I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
