He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
