He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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