Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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