My liver just broke up with me...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
