so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
