There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize