Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize