I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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