Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
