I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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