I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
