definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize