When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
