moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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