I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
