Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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