i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
