Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
