His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
