It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize