don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
