I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
