Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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