if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
