We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
