I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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