My friends, they love my intelligence
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
