You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
These tits shall not be calmed
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
