I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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