if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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