life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
