don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
