I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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