haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
