he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
