i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
