i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
