Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
