i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
