I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
