I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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